At a little over 53 years I've had all sorts of changes. All the changes one can have in raising children, marriage and divorce, life with a partner and watching him cross over too. I've through a good income as well as scraping it so hard you could hear the grind of pulling the pennies out of my pocket just to get cat food or dog food. I've learned to live with and through those.
There's one hard change for me that even after all these years it caught me again tonight. It's so ruddy simple a thing too. Making myself dinner is still so hard at times. After a couple of hours fiddling in my mind on what to make, I settled for rehashing some home made chicken soup. There wasn't any real fun in it though.
Over 40 years ago I started learning to cook, bake and make meals. It was fun. My dad and mum were the first to brave the trials of my cooking experiments. Over the years it was usually for family of one sort or another and then my family. I so loved making dinner for my girls and our talking over the table about our day. I loved making them all the treats mums make their kids in school. After they went off to university there were the "mom' trips where I would go and cook for them or their visits home. In between there was cooking for my late partner and I which had slid downward as he became more and more obsessed with work. So much so he missed dinner only to find it warm in the oven hours later.
Now, many years later there's no one to cook for but me. Food is healing, it's Love on a plate or in a bowl. Food is not only what makes up those new cells we grow every minute of every day, but it's also the vibration we take on as we go in life.
That's why I KNOW it's so important for me to find the enjoyment, the fun in food for me again. Although I share my baking with friends when I can, it's not as often as I would like. It seems everyone is watching something or other on their doctors' don't list.
So tonight I put into words that I need to find the fun, love and joy in my food again. I've taken out my cook book by Denise and Meadow Linn one of the few books I've ever picked up that I could feel the radiant love from as I opened it the first time. Playing and enjoying meals for me, I've got a lot of them to do in the years ahead and I want them to be healthy, loving and joyful years. Food is just one way to interject that more into my life.
You see it's all in the vibes, even when it comes to food.